Moving forward - finding my own footing

One thing I have realized about myself is that I am good at avoiding.  Since loosing Sam in June, I realize I have been avoiding dealing and coping with loosing him.  These last couple weeks the loneliness of him being gone has really hit me hard.  Since June I have been busy avoiding and just being there for my kids and grandkids, but not really for myself.  I have been busy cleaning and organizing at home, downsizing and just getting everything able to function with minimal effort.  I have been doing things and catching up on things that need to be done around the house to make it easier for me to handle by myself.  

These last couple weeks I have felt a lot of up and down emotions in just doing things more for myself, focusing on things I need.  I wish there was an expected time to take off work for grief like there is for childbirth.  I felt like I needed to go back to work the week after Sam’s funeral and so I was off just under 2 weeks from work, but now I wish I would have had at least another week or two to just grieve and not avoid.   But lately I have been reflecting a lot more on what I need and how to cope with changes.  There have been a lot of changes.  Same passing away, being told my job is ending and given 2 months notice of it.  It officially ends on October 15th.    So what comes next????

Well my work is giving some severance which is awesome of them and with my buy out of sick/vacation time I will be set till the end of the year.  I am moving back into my private practice.   I am figuring out the logistics of that as I move along and being good with where it goes. I am very lucky in the sense that I will be able to collect Sam’s Railroad death benefits when I turn 60!  So I only have to make it these next 2 years work wise!    

So changes, I bought a camper.  Got myself a 2022 Sol Dawn, cute little camper that I can travel and work out of as I go seeing clients.  I am pretty excited about it.  I ordered Starlink for it and plan to be able to continue to do telahealth clients during the day when I am traveling, working several days, then having time to see the areas I am in.  It will be just me and the two dogs traveling around to different areas!   I am feeling good about getting away, a little scary but also something I know is right for me.   

Besides traveling around the USA and seeing all the different areas I haven’t been to I have a couple trips planned overseas.   Amanda and I will be going to Columbia in November.  We have had that planned for awhile and am looking forward to getting away and just enjoying some travel and getting to laugh and not be so stressed.   After I get home from that, I plan to take some time to go out and see family in Wisconsin in December.   I want to be able to go spend more time with Megan and the grandkids this winter, as I can work from her house as well as my own.  

I signed up for a once in a lifetime trip I had been telling Sam about wanting to do before he passed away.  I have held off signing up but finally decided to do it.  It will be in May 2026, going to South Africa and spending time at a Rhino conservatory helping to take care of baby rhino and getting to do some game drives.  I am really excited now that I have committed to going.   

I am not sure I will do many other overseas trips next year after that.  I plan on taking my oldest grandson for his Senior trip to New York City and doing a lot of longer trips in the Camper.  I have discovered the Dambo trolls and want to get out and explore to find some more of them over in the Seattle area and also over in Michigan.  

I will post some pictures of the camper as I get ready to go on the road with it.   

Change is good!

Well 2025 will be a year of change for sure.  I said goodbye to my husband in June.  It meant I had to start learning alot of new things, figuring out how to make everything flow with just me taking care of everything while learning to navigate a new lifestyle of being one while grieving his loss.  Just about a month later I learned my job is ending Oxtober 15th and I will have to adapt again.  

I'm not really sure what that fully looks like yet but I do know it will be okay.  After doing alot of research I purchased a travel trailer and am planning to some long travels this next year.  One thing I do know I can provide counseling sessions for my clients sitting in a trailer in the middle of nowhere enjoying the tranquility and comfort just as well as I could from home.  Thank goodness for starlink roaming service.  

In the coming weeks I will map out a good plan of travel.  I know I want to see some fall leaves for sure and just be able to get away and think, process and just start to really figure things out.  More to come this week as I start planning.

Day One Peru

We have arrived in Lima Peru.  We flew out Wednesday morning out of Billings, MT. At 6:30 am.  The plane rides were short but the day got really long.  Had some delays for several hours in Minneapolis before we flew to JFK.  Our flight to Peru from JFK left at 11:45 pm and we landed in Lima Peru just before 7 am.  We got a taxi down to our apartment at the Estelar Apartmentmentos Bellavista.  Nice apartments with a lot of space, quiet and very secure.  We are staying in the Miraflores district of Lima.  Just across from our hotel is the John F. Kennedy city center park.    Today we walked around the area and just got acclimated, made some plans for what things we are doing the next couple day.  We got into our room at noon and had to take a nap for a couple hours as we both were wore out from sleeping on the plane last night.  Some pictures of things we did and saw today.  

This church is just around the corner from our Hotel,  It is beautiful on the outside, but the inside is just as gorgeous.  I love the history of these old buildings when I travel,  It sure makes me realize how young the USA is compared to the history in other countries. 

It was really hazy today here.  The humidity just hung in the air.  Really cool watching the waves roll in on the South Pacific Ocean.   

Artwork on the tall buildings in the city. 

Tomorrow we are heading out early to do a 4 hour bus tour of the different areas of the city.  Seeing some old churches and doing some Spanish missions.   The on Saturday we are doing a walking tour of the Lima City Kings and Catacombs in St. Martin Square.  

Top down Narrows hike, Zion National Park

Memorial Day Weekend. Jerad put in for permits to hike the Narrows 3 months prior and was awarded them for Sunday/Monday hike. The hike starts at the beginning of the Virgin River and navigates downstream 18 miles, exiting the river at the Narrows site in Zion National Park. We hired a Shuttle services Red rock Adventure Shuttle that drove us out to Chamberlain Ranch to start our hike in through the canyon. The shuttle service was the way to go for sure. We started our hike in about noon and arrived at our campsite, #5, about 6 pm that evening.

I admit I was exhausted for sure. The last mile or two of our hike that 1st day was over boulders and rock. I was wearing NARS water boots, and while there was great traction they did not have a hard soul to keep my feet from feeling each rock. Shoes are important on this trip and while I am not sure I would do much different in shoes, I would consider renting the canyonairing boots from the facility outside the park as they have the traction and also the firmer soul to protect the bottom of your feet. My muscles ached for sure. I would say the weight of my dry pack backpack was about 25 pounds. I had my Marmot Ultra light tent, my Nemo sleep pad, camping pillow, jet-boil/ fuel and food items. Dry clothes to sleep and sweatshirt, and a pair of Chacos for the evening. I was wore out and was in bed by 8 pm that night for a good nights sleep so I could do it again.

I felt like I had walked across every type of boulder/rock size there is. My feet were sore, who am I kidding, my whole body was sore that night. It felt good to sleep by a river and just listen to the water flow over the rocks. Love sleeping to that sound in nature! Monday morning was slower moving for sure. We were all pretty sore. In the hike you are just crossing back and forth across the river as you go into the narrow slot canyon, working your way across big rocks and the deep parts of the river. Most places were about waist deep the first day, but I would say we crossed the river well over 200 times in the two day hike. We each had a wood staff for bracing in the river current, by the end of the day I had 3 blisters. The second day we made breakfast and packed up and were headed out to finish the hike, stilling about 10 miles to go.   We had a couple of miles to get to the spring to get fresh water from our campsite.  Not that we were out but knew we had to conserve till we got there. The river had a cya-no toxin growing in it so we couldn’t just get water to filter out of the river.   

Second day was much more technical as the canyon got more narrow and big rocks would mean deeper parts of the water.  We had to climb over, and several times had to swim with our packs on in the deep water.   2nd day I wore my wet suit for the first 6 miles as we had a lot more deeper water spots to cross and the water temp was about 40 F degrees so pretty chilly.  For clothing both days I had on my water boots, a pair of neoprene socks, a pair of Zyia leggings and long sleeve sun shirt the first day and a tank top the second day because I had the wetsuit on most of the day.  I will say walking so many miles in a wetsuit is not the easiest thing.  It makes you sweat inside and you’re wet, but body heat is warming the water.  I needed to make sure I was drinking lots of water because it was warm out  temp wise in the high 80’s both days.  But being in a slot canyon it didn’t get much sunlight directly due the canyon walls. 

At Big Springs it changes from the permitted area to an area where for day hiking from Zion National Park to hike up the narrows so the closer we got towards the end of the hike the worse the traffic was because the people everywhere and it was waiting in line for people to move through the river crossings.   I would say that the hike is very technical due to having to always be gauging and watching where you are stepping.  I kept thinking how easy it would be to sprain, twist or even break an ankle it would be stepping over and on all the different rocks.  It was a great trip and would hike the Narrows for sure.  It was amazing there was a dad and his 8 year old son, Brent that rode the shuttle out to start the hike.  We passed them quickly on the first day as they were only going to Camp site 1 which was at least a couple miles before our campsite at #5.  But it was amazing to watch this little boy navigate with his dad and at the end seeing him accomplish Top down hiking the narrows.  Now to load pictures, I didn’t take many the 2nd day and left that to Matt Jackson as I put my phone in the dry bag inside the dry bag backpack.   I can say I was lucky that everything stayed dry on the trip and protected. I will add more photos when I get them.