Moving forward - finding my own footing

One thing I have realized about myself is that I am good at avoiding.  Since loosing Sam in June, I realize I have been avoiding dealing and coping with loosing him.  These last couple weeks the loneliness of him being gone has really hit me hard.  Since June I have been busy avoiding and just being there for my kids and grandkids, but not really for myself.  I have been busy cleaning and organizing at home, downsizing and just getting everything able to function with minimal effort.  I have been doing things and catching up on things that need to be done around the house to make it easier for me to handle by myself.  

These last couple weeks I have felt a lot of up and down emotions in just doing things more for myself, focusing on things I need.  I wish there was an expected time to take off work for grief like there is for childbirth.  I felt like I needed to go back to work the week after Sam’s funeral and so I was off just under 2 weeks from work, but now I wish I would have had at least another week or two to just grieve and not avoid.   But lately I have been reflecting a lot more on what I need and how to cope with changes.  There have been a lot of changes.  Same passing away, being told my job is ending and given 2 months notice of it.  It officially ends on October 15th.    So what comes next????

Well my work is giving some severance which is awesome of them and with my buy out of sick/vacation time I will be set till the end of the year.  I am moving back into my private practice.   I am figuring out the logistics of that as I move along and being good with where it goes. I am very lucky in the sense that I will be able to collect Sam’s Railroad death benefits when I turn 60!  So I only have to make it these next 2 years work wise!    

So changes, I bought a camper.  Got myself a 2022 Sol Dawn, cute little camper that I can travel and work out of as I go seeing clients.  I am pretty excited about it.  I ordered Starlink for it and plan to be able to continue to do telahealth clients during the day when I am traveling, working several days, then having time to see the areas I am in.  It will be just me and the two dogs traveling around to different areas!   I am feeling good about getting away, a little scary but also something I know is right for me.   

Besides traveling around the USA and seeing all the different areas I haven’t been to I have a couple trips planned overseas.   Amanda and I will be going to Columbia in November.  We have had that planned for awhile and am looking forward to getting away and just enjoying some travel and getting to laugh and not be so stressed.   After I get home from that, I plan to take some time to go out and see family in Wisconsin in December.   I want to be able to go spend more time with Megan and the grandkids this winter, as I can work from her house as well as my own.  

I signed up for a once in a lifetime trip I had been telling Sam about wanting to do before he passed away.  I have held off signing up but finally decided to do it.  It will be in May 2026, going to South Africa and spending time at a Rhino conservatory helping to take care of baby rhino and getting to do some game drives.  I am really excited now that I have committed to going.   

I am not sure I will do many other overseas trips next year after that.  I plan on taking my oldest grandson for his Senior trip to New York City and doing a lot of longer trips in the Camper.  I have discovered the Dambo trolls and want to get out and explore to find some more of them over in the Seattle area and also over in Michigan.  

I will post some pictures of the camper as I get ready to go on the road with it.